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| Abel, why don't you love me as I love you? |
Latest Odds (courtesy of ladbrokes.com
Street Gang 5/4
Inter Minan 6/5
1st Goal
Marshalex 3/1
De La Rodders 7/2
Sardiniho 5/1
O'Neill 10/1
Hunterlaar 10/1
Correct Score
Street Gang 1-0 2/1
Street Gang 2-0 4/1
Street Gang 3-0 7/1
Street Gang 4-0 15/1
Street Gang 5 or more 1/10000
1-1 Draw 3/1
2-2 Draw 6/1
3-3 Draw 10/1
Street Gang 2-1 5/2
Street Gang 3-1 4/1
Street Gang 3-2 12/1
Others on request
Special Bets
De La Rodders Hatrick 16/1
O'Neill Sending Off Evens
Hunterlaar attacks ref 100/1
Sardiniho ruptures anterior cruciate ligament 5/1
Marshalex turns up wearing 6inch heels and a denim skirt with a face full of make-up 11/2
Opponents decided
After long hard deliberation over the street gangs opponents in the challenge match i can announce
that they will be Inter Minan. Inter Minan are a group of incest loving criminals who like nothing better than to go round
each others grandparents houses for tea, biscuits and a quick read of Hello magazine. They are arguably the strongest side
sixth form has to offer but in the recent family orientated team name championship they came 3rd, the winners were My Uncle
wears Stillettos and 2nd were Cousin Frank drives very big Tanks.
The team are likely to include a number of internationals but there latest bid to sign young Czech
playmaker Leek Darchavelk, were quashed after he failed a medical, reasons were that his overexaggerative use of his thumbs
meant he has a rare condition commonly found in middle aged cypriot men known as 'polegar dos patos' or Ducks Thumb.
When questioned about the up and coming challenge match, Inter spokesman, Jeffrey Archer made this
comment
'To be quite fair our passion for our family, our love of sunny delight and our worship of Cauliflower
enthusiast Dietmar Hamann has made us sure favourites for the game, lets get ready to stroke some salt and pepper'.
A slightly do lally tap spokesman for the Inter team.
So the opponents have been decided, all that is now needed is a date, details coming soon.
Return of the street gang
After 2 Years doing nothing apart from eating pizza and competing in remote
control car racing the street gang are to reform for a one match showdown with the current ranked number 1 sixth form team
for the inagural 6FFA Championship Belt. The date of this match is yet to be decided but it is likely to be after the 6th
formers have spent there easter vacation preparing for this match by conducting warm weather training on the banks of St-Bees.
The match will after months of debate will be a football match, other suggestions included
- Special guest referee, hell in a cell.
- Spanish underarm rodeo bull throwing.
- Ten-Pin Bowling on Ice
- Vending Machine Pulling
- Traditional Albanian Chomp Eating Contest
The team is yet to name its new manager and the final team will be named
along with there cheerleading squad (likely to include Kirsty Gallacher) soon but you can keep up to date by logging on to
www.skysports.co.uk.
O'Neill has groundbreaking operation
Uruguayan international Fabian O'Neill has just had cosmetic surgery to reduce
the size of his now overgrown feet, the star whom previously had size 22 feet has endured a 5 hour operation to reduce his
feet size down to a normal size 16. When asking him whether he thought this would benefit his game he commented
'tamaño mi pie tener hacer mí uno paria todo mi vida y ahora agradecido yo
poder conseguir encendido con mi diario vida sin alguien gritar ' bigfoot ' o ' Oy usted conseguir zapato hacer en uno astillero
'. Por lo que mi juego es tratado yo piense que las ventajas serán inmensas, yo podrán gritar, guiñan y quizás incluso
palmada como el león de mar islandés hermoso, gracias'
Translation
'The size of my feet have made me an outcast all my life and now thankfully
i can get on with my everyday life without someone shouting 'bigfoot' or 'Oy did you get them shoes made in a shipyard'. As
far as my game is concerned i think the benefits will be immense, i will be able to shout, wink and perhaps even clap like
the beautiful icelandic sea lion, thanks.
Hopefully Fabian will be able to succeed in his mission to clap like an icelandic
sea lion.
Marshalex in late night binge drinking incidents
Russian under 21 star Andreski Marshalex disgraced the good name of the street gang after various drunken
confrontations last night after an exclusive night out in the exclusive Gallaghers Bar in Whitehaven. Marshalex who sipped
Pimms with various top celebritiers and glamour models including Jodie Marsh, Anthea Turner and Bruce Grobelaar, appeared
to have one to many drinks and attacked various paperazzi members after they photographed him with an unknown female escorting
him out of the club. Marshalex who is still under contract with the street gang could be fighting for his future after this
latest outburst. Close friend 'Sebastian Coe' spoke of his shock 'I could not believe it when i saw those pictures all over
the tabloids he is just letting himself go, i mean he has put on 3 stone, started smoking and has done nothing but eat take
aways for a year. Lets hope this is the last negative news story we hear about the talented startlet.
Old News
De La Rodders Trial Latest..
After De La Rodders arrest for GBH the trial is set for Tuesday 16th March. The
charge of GBH with intent to wound another will be brought before the spaniard. If found guily Rodders could be imprisoned
for 5 years. This would be devestating for the gang, as Rodders impact has been tremendous. Reports suggest that Rodders was
arrrested after an incident at half time in a recent game, apparently as Rodders was walking off at half time an outraged
fan shouted 'Rodders how are your Chummeroids'. a remark about Rodders medical health, this angered Rodders who
loosened his shinpad, walked to the fan and started pummeling him, the incident was witnessed by 58 other fans and evidence
is against him, to punish the fan further Rodders then spat on the mans knee, a spanish symbol of hatred. So will Rodders
be realeased, I hope so. Apparently a petition containing 276,956 signatures will be presented to the Judge
in order to free the spaniard who speaks English with a Texan accent. Rodders is currently spending time
with his cat, after paying the 5.3 million pound bail condition. Lets hope he hasnt played his last game for
the gang. Auf Wiedersehn
Street Gang apologise to fans
After the 3-1 defeat to the Avid Merrion..., the street gang publicly apologised for the performance and have offered
to defer there match fees to the fans that traveled to the game, as a sort of compensation proposal. Speaking earlier the
men had this to say:
- 'We are all very sorry for that poor effort, my feet are killing me' (O'Neill)
- 'What can I say, I wish this had never happended its the worst thing ever, I dont think I will be able to go out on the
street without anyone chanting scumbag or rentboy' (Hunterlaar, commenting via video link from a brothel)
- 'I want to apologise on behalf of myself and the team, if we had scored just 2 more goals everything would have been fine,
and the clouds are white and fluffy the grass is soo green man! (De La Rodders suffering the effects of a calming joint)
- 'Skin tight tops would probably have meant we would have won the game' (Slack)
- 'Sorry, I was poor, my team mates were poor, the whole thing was poor, I believe the defeat was because of my basketball
shorts, they were too long and made me trip up several times, still wouldnt have won though, not if the goals were 343 foot
wide, dammit' (Sardiniho)
Well that was what the players thought and we can only hope this dosent happen again, I hear that the gangers are now to
spend 3 days in an icebath full of walrusses followed by 5 nights in an unsupervised nature reserve on the outskirts of Flimby
for there troubles, Horrific. Cheers x x x
Mercenary Lorenzo Clarkini joins Passion Tango For Game
Good friend and to some of the Street Gang (mainly Sardiniho) lover Lorenzo makes his debut in professional sixth form
competition for the no hopers Passion Tango. In a bid to improve their poor performances Lorenzos Italian flair and dazzling
sense in fashion has been loaned for a game due to Passions injury hit period. Big ups.
 Lorenzo, footballer
and artistic genius.
Mind games begin
Even with the game between the two sides a week away the psychological mind games between Street Gang
manager Washim Ali and Avid Merrions Band of Gay Merry Men player manager Mo Shep has begun.
Mo Shep said at a recent press conference that "African football has improved greatly over the past
few years and I have to say it is far better than Asian football in every aspect wink wink nudge nudge washim washim winkie
wink". This is bound to have infuriated Washim who will turn to his mind games expert Dirty Dave Slack in order to produce
a suitible comeback.
Team News for Game VS Captain Bish's Israelites
Hunterlaar misses out again, he is still struggling from the after affects of surgery to his ear-lobe, Hunterlaar
'I am deeply sad to yet again miss another important chapter of my footballing career', O'Neill should return after he
was given compassionate leave to spend time with his sick and poorly troll, (he keeps it in his drawer). Marshalex has shaken
off a niggling testicular infection and should start. Sardiniho has recovered from his long term mental health problems and
De La Rodders has returned from international duty unscathed but his reputation dented after the Spanish U19s went down 8-0
to the Uzbekistan U19s, De La Rodders was sent off after just 38 seconds in the heated event, staged in Minneapollis, Minnesota
as part of a promotional tour by the Spanish team to the States. Dirty Dave is fit and raring to go. So the street gang will
be approaching the game with 6 men, fitness could play a part as the commanding Bish has sent his troops to a military
camp in the gaza strip as part of there preperation. Lets hope its a good show.
Hunterlaar out of opening match
Gareth Hunterlaar is out of the opening game vs passion tango, the Dutch star is having trouble
recovering from a recurrance of a groin injury suffered in last weeks friendly victory 4-2 over, A Martin Falcon Select
VII. Despite his injury Gareth still manages to live a normal life and unfortunatly he does not need to be admitted into a
hospice. Our Prayers are with Gareth at this troubled time. Meanwhile team news for game vs passion-Hunterlaar Out, Rodders
makes debut, Sardiniho returns after Mental problems and Marshalex has shrugged off a right hand wrist injury, suffered
after watching late night television. For the tangos, they are at full strength and new men, Flectini and Smith are in line
for there debuts.
Final Team Announced
It has finally been confirmed, the new squad for the new season
00, Fabien O'Neill URU
4, Andrel Corkillius ROMAN
7, Gareth Hunterlaar HOL
9, Leon Sardiniho BRA
10, Dave Slack NOR
11, Andreski Marshalex RUS
14, Mikael De La Rodders ESP
New Signing Announced
After months of deliberation and debate, Mikael De La Rodders has signed for the 'Street Gang',
the deal is reportedly worth 2Million Spanish Bullfighting Buffalo Steaks a year and will make De La Rodders
the highest paid player at the club, news of this has angered testimonial men, Sardiniho, Hunterlaar and Marshalex who dont
earn this amount between them. The board were unavailable for comment, but gave this statement 'We have paid this for De La
Rodders because we believe that we cannot handle his behavioural problems any other way, we are sorry to Sardiniho, Hunterlaar
and Marshalex, we feel guilty that they only have to settle for 5 goats, a donkey cart and a small pot of frankinsence each.....'
New Name For The Cass-Traitors
After 73 hours of consultation the board finally came up with the name 'Street Gang of Washim
Ali's. This was chose over other possibilities, Muff Divers, Fanjita Flickers, Gala-Cass-Aray and Kinky Toms Bike Shackers.
Washim is undoubtably the best known punjabi MC in England, phrases such as 'ala garesh namar' have made him a legend,
unfortunatly no one knows what this means and in a silly stupid way before coming to England, Washim learned the wrong language,
the now defunct Latin...not very useful, so as Washim learns English we hope that he settles in and becomes a dominant force
in the quest for the MC Hammer HE HE HE shake that thang tiddlywinks competition.
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